Twist of Fate

another day lost in my mind

2009-12-26T17:13:00.000-08:00

recently learning that jeff hardy says "this is not goodbye forever. this is only goodbye for now. i'm sure i'll see you in the future." puts me in a spirit of hope. christmas was great. new years will hopefully run over smoothly. im actually worried about the 15. i tell myself forget it and let it go. stop holding on to the thoughts that hurt the most. but it is really hard for me to forget. i wish everything bad was erased in my memory but i cant do that. if i let go of my mistakes and tragedy then how can i look forward to sharing moments of success and comedy? deep inside i want to remember everything as it was. sometimes memories are better than nothing at all. Song stuck in my head: blink 182-i miss you. nice song makes you miss someone even more. makes you want to tell them that you love them so much and you wont let go ad that well you miss them. "but they will see i'll fight until eternity. no matter what ill stand and fight forever. through my strength ill make a better day tomorrow. i shall never surrender." abridged version of a short song. well again im getting lost in my thoughts. still i wonder if a bit of truth lies in his statement. i remember that friday it aired on tv i wanted to watch smackdown but couldn't becuz i was at my dad's house. i came home and my best friend michell told me he left. being that was all i knew it hurt even more to find out the truth of everything. i was "the unsuspecting victim". not until awhile ago i heard for myself what he had to say. strange becuz i didnt think of it before. maybe becuz i was so angry and disapointed. hearing his words made me forget what i tell myself. 'there is a reason for everything" and that 'everyone has an explanation." i have yet to hear his reason for his actions but i will find one someday. becuz "this is only goodbye for now".

just for you

2009-07-26T23:18:00.000-07:00

i want to see you smile and hear you laugh
i want to know things no one else may ever know
i want to know you fears so i can chase them away
i want to know about your dreams
i want to hold you close and never let go
i want you to hold my hand when you feel afraid
i want to know your favorite songs
anywhere you go let me go too
i want to hear about your goals so i can help you achieve them
i want to be by your side during the dark days
when you're sad i want you to tell me how you feel
i want to make every day unique for you
i want
everything
to be okay
just for you

Slowly but surely...

2009-07-06T17:12:00.000-07:00

i am going to be an official author. my poem will be published in a book which i may get for half price i believe. i am so happy. i sent in the poem thinking they wouldn't look at it twice. i read other poems on the site and saw how other people put words together. it made me feel like an ameatur. but my poem is going to be published! i am so excited and this raises my hopes for my book being published. you know i've alaways wanted to make my poems as good as Jeff Hardy's. yes he writes poetry but only because he is who i look up to. it too made me feel like i was at the bottom. he put a lot of emotion into his work. i read my poems over and over and debated whether or not it was good enough for anything. if i thought it wasn't as good as Jeff's then i would set it aside and start over. then i would hold a piece of art. it was good in my eyes which made me not care what anyone thought about it. now i have proof that i am good enough because out of probably thousands i am having my poem published.
i always pray to god in a small way before i go to sleep. i pray for a better tomorrow. i pray i wake up and see the sun rise and shine a radiant light on oppurtunity. if god just couldn't give me a good day that is because someone else needs it more than i do. so i pray for another one and another. today was one of my good days. i always think to myself that if i really want it then i will wait. if i can see it but it doesn't want to see me. i dont care. if i can think about it and have it never think of me. i dont care. but if i stand in front of it and make it look me in the eye then i have had a good day. i wait for those days. forever if i have to.

randomness-ness

2009-06-26T13:46:00.000-07:00

ok now that we've hit one hundred degrees and still rising we seem to have hit bigger problems with the economy. what the heck?!?!?! my room has the fan on high two windows open and an air conditoner and IT IS STILL FREAKIN HOT!
the kittens have been growing at a normal rate and look very healthy. i let them all get used to walking around on my bedroom floor. they had so much fun. five little kittens crawled over me throughout the day i was home. then while on my computer organinzing everything they all fell asleep by my feet in the corner of the desk and drawers. they love crawling on my legs so much that they each take turns and never want to come off.
praying to God that my mom can realize "she cant watch all of her shows without cable". hoping she'll get internet and awesome cable with all the channels i want that can record my shows. i have a tight schedule that has been reduced to two hours of wrestling every two weeks, but i can watch here at my dads!
have a good summer everyone

Today...

2009-06-23T12:52:00.000-07:00

well today i have nothing to say. as much of a good friend i am to words they are how do you say not here. "i will dress them up so prettily for you that you will like them" this refers to words of course, but HOW CAN ONE DRESS WORDS SO PRETTILY WHEN THEY ARE NO WORDS TO BE DRESSED?!?!?!?!
i have been hearing about the chaos going around my house however. my absence is a frightening thing to me when i don't know what is going on in my own home. the one thing that worries me is if julissa goes in my room or anyone else. if anyone has then i will hunt them down and bite off their heads!! if i had a fireplace i would display them on my mantle but instead i'll just throw them away. i saw what happened to the door. [sigh] my feeling of security when i sleep has dropped below zero. hopefully it is fixed an in working order.
other than that i guess all is well

Summer Bummer

2009-06-19T10:28:00.000-07:00

Well technically i have really only had about four days of summer fun and that was all in a cramped frustrating weekend. almost gonna leave my dad's though. what sucks is that might be the only summer fun. i have an english prject for next year in high school. band summer stuff i don't feel like doing. i gotta prep up for Rotc and get ready for the upcoming year. all i can manage is to walk across the street and say hi to my good friend Michell and chill with her for a couple of hours.
but i do plan on celebrating fourth of july in my own fun way with Michell. i am trying to get us to go see "Public Enemies" and catch the midnight show. we want to be the first ones to see it no the first to buy the tickets then see it. if we'er lucky the theater will be empty. ^-^
i also have my "fifteen" coming up. mom says we'll go dress shopping. o_O. i'm hoping to get the kind of dress I want. not a frilly fru fru-ish dress. but we can come to an agreement. ^-^
hopefully the rest of the summer will be fun.

Nearly There

2009-06-09T11:25:00.000-07:00

Well i will soon be attending high school and i will find out more than i want to. my eyes will be opened up to even more cruelties in the world than i already know. i find out who my real friends are and maybe even someone to spend part of my life with. i'm not counting on that and i don't care. love is not my main concern. living my life the way it should be is my priority.

i remebered recieving a fortune cookie. inside it said "you will not be loved until you can learn to love". it is true for everyone, but love is being put off right now. except for my family of course. no one can get where they are without family no matter what. right now i am focusing on graduating and getting a start on life. i fear that if i don't then everything i wanted to do and see will disapear.

you all know i love Jeff Hardy. as a wrestler yes, but as a person even more. he and his brother Matt started with a small passion for wrestling and they worked hard to get where they are now. one tv show called Wrestlemania let them become superstars. i don't want to be a superstar, but i believe that if a show called wrestling can provide a job that i am more than willing to do then i'll go for it. with this is mind maybe i have a chance of meeting Jeff and Matt. if i have a chance then i want to take it otherwise i may never even get close.

for these reasons of a fear of losing something, i am more driven to be something better than what i imagine
i have to go for it or forever wish i had.

What's been going on

2009-05-12T17:46:00.000-07:00

i went to the hospital due to tonsilitis...not fun
mother's day was fun but sad to say my grandmother could not join us. i stared at the spot where we took a picture of her. it was like she was still there. we went to the cemetary and cleaned the graves. it makes you wonder if those poor lost souls have loved ones who still care enough for them to rest in peace. alright random positive stuff. ^_^
My collection of WWE magazines is growing! i am learning how to march in band. it is almost like a small military camp. pretty cool good workout. uh not much else........backlash oh yeah!
i loooooove Jeff Hardy and i bet five dollars that he would lose to Matt Hardy at Backlash in an "I Quit" match.....i got it back as a super early birthday present. it shows how awesome he is to defy statistics and how he proved me wrong. i knew he would win anyways. hey dont hate
alright thats it.....

Skool

2009-04-13T08:21:00.000-07:00

well we are learning pointless numbers and letters it seems. honestly tell me how is 3y+2x+5(x+y) gonna help me do my job? i don't think it will! well school is boring but i hear interesting things about how to graduate early. my math teacher gives me advice i want to hear. just kidding

mom says we plan on going to georgia this weekend and i can't wait to see gabriel and phoenix and jane and everyone else! my third trip to georgia yay! ^.^

meanwhile i'm here at school writing letters and numbers and stuff. im in science and i finished my work early...like always. it gets boring after awhile.

well now that this is my day in a nutshell i guess that's it. have a great day everyone!

THE SHOW OF SHOWS!!

2009-03-31T13:12:00.000-07:00

The supershow! last show before wrestlemania 25! awesome-ness! i have finally remembered what it was like so many years ago but i felt better knowing who was there. woooooooooo! great seats i thought we wouldn't get. i didn't have to look at the jumbotron thing ^_^ JEFF HARDY WAS SOOOOOOOAWESOME. i saw him with face paint, swanton bomb, twist of fate! Amazing!! Smexi John Cena funny santino marella and his "mankini" xp! HORNSWOGGLE!!! oh he's sooo cute! to explain how it was i can just say that the atmoshpere was too different and it became a stranger to my senses. i thank my mother my english teacher for teaching me so well. one day i will see wrestlemania and i don't care where it is!

My Fairytale

2009-03-19T07:50:00.000-07:00

As you may know i am writing what i hope will become a book. i thought of a concept, but i felt that it was not what i wanted. it is an average setup that you see in movies. i decided to take away the pink preppy plain jane princess and replace it with a strange creative character. i did some thinking and realized "hey how come in movies like a cinderella story the princess is potrayed as a normal girl, but that doesn't make her truly different. same for the prince. he is always popular. come one you people can do better! So i am trying to capture different, odd, wierd, and strange and put it into a story just like any other fairytale. why can't gothic or emo people be the handsome prince or beautiful princess? but i don't go to extreme gothic scenes. no i pick a slight tone of this style. now the story's main character is a girl named Annabelle and she lives in New York. her friend is named Oliver. well annabelle and oliver don't realize that they could be a couple. they're just friends, but neither says so. annabelle meets a another guy and oliver gets a feeling that he is not right for her. so before annabelle leaves oliver in New York while she goes to california where her long lost friend is oliver stops her from leaving. and happily ever after part comes in......okay so no romantic names. just plain names pulled from the sky. a simple scenario which is explained in the story. hey i can only do so much so i use what i know and what i've been through in the story. please comment!!

Valentine's Day

2009-02-14T20:25:00.000-08:00

Lots of people agree that this is one of the worst holidays ever. For couples it still is the worst holiday ever. but there are good things too.
1. Break ups often happen on this day
awwww boo hoo
2. A lot of people have no one to share this day with
like me but i dont care! ^_^
3. Guys forget gifts half of the time or buy something completey off the topic of valentine
ok i dont care but come on guys you forget birthdays anniversaries and valentine's day?
ok this is my favorite
4. Rocher chocolates!!! yummy!
ok this is like super scary........
5.Pink is everywhere [shudders] oooooooh scary!!
jk jk

but even if you have no one by your side just know that doesn't mean you are alone happy valentines day!

I'm finding myself...

2009-02-07T17:10:00.001-08:00

Paint it black

2009-02-07T16:37:00.000-08:00

I see a rainbow and I want to paint it black.
I see a blue sky and I want to paint it green.
I see a yellow sun and I want to paint it purple.
I see a whitehouse standing like a clean canvas and I want to paint it pink.
I see a a field of green grass and I want to paint it blue.
I want to color the world every shade and hue.
Far from what it should be and make it what it is not,
I want to paint every speck and spot.
It gives me something to do and something to look forward to.
I sit back and sigh and look at the awesome crazy colorful world I made for me and you.

I was feeling colorful. pleeeez comment ^_^

Im@G1n@T10n

2009-01-29T09:35:00.000-08:00

Praise yourself
Doubt yourself
Hate yourself
Love yourself
Fear the person you have become
Look back on everything you've done
Think of your mistakes
Admire you mistakes
Despise your mistakes
Learn from your mistakes
I've seen these things
I've done these things
So when you understand what this means and what it is trying to say
Then you and I are possibly the same

Just something I jotted down yesterday. I lyk it but my opinion doesn't matter. ^_^

Another day at home

2009-01-27T18:37:00.000-08:00

Today me and Michael had an interresting day I guess. I made us waffles and we ate like four each. We just talked through the day about random stuff. He got the idea of ripping phone books and he tried it.....so did I. Michael ripped a 500 page phone book in half with bare hands. I knew it was for reals because he had nothing in his hands...or so he tells me to type. hahahahahaha we had a sorta fun day. ^_^

Antoher Poem

2009-01-26T20:57:00.000-08:00

And will you look the same as you do now?
I'd want you to stay that way so when I see you someday somehow
And though I'll think of you I guess until the day I die
I just have to find a way to past the time by
And if I never hear your voice whisper in my ear
I still have reason to rejoice the way ahead is clear
And if your feelings are not the same as mine
At least you still love me inside my mind
Even if I never see you face
I have a reason to live everytime I wake
Even if this doesn't reach your eyes
At least you can read this inside my mind
Until then I can think of you until the end of time...

one of my friends said that she was about to cry after she read this
just somethin out of the vortex known as my imagination
comment if you lyk!!

Never...

2009-01-20T20:02:00.000-08:00

Never was when i thought this could happen
Never did i want it to come to this
Now i sit in an empty bliss
But Never will i leave your side
I will not leave no matter how hard i cry
Never will i go even when you voice grows faint
Never will i go not even when you heart beat starts to fade
I'm here beside you
Can you hear me whisper to you?
Never will i turn my back
how long has it been though, i lost track
Never was when yesterday was history
And when tomorrow was a mystery
but i wonder if
Today brings a gift
Never is hopefully the present i get

I made this for Nana. not sure if you guys will understand it though. please comment if you lyk

Inspiration

2009-01-18T12:07:00.000-08:00

You know i have always wondered who in this world do i look up to? peole look up to me for whatever reasons, but i have no one else beside me. i now have found someone who i may never even see in person. Jeffrey Nero Hardy is my inspiration. sure he is just another celebrity but he is really different than most people. i feel wierd when i say Jeff Hardy inspires me cuz he's a wrestler. people ask so you want to wrestle? no i do not. a simple thought of someone crazy, funny, and multi colored hair, gives me ideas for things i hope will become great. i now have someone to look up to. i have a reason to move forward. i have a purpose in life. best wishes for those who dream a dream no one else can understand. ^_^

BLOGS

2009-01-17T12:42:00.000-08:00

Hey seriously what is the exact purpose of a blog? honestly....so you just type stuff like a subject and let people read and comment them and stuff? well either way i dont care....so why am i typing a blog? well because i want people to read it and comment on why blogs even exist! okay now im just too smart for my own good....ok so a blog is just a post of a sort a disscussion possibly..well hey i do that all the time! see it's kinda like a forum post or again a disscussion...see i made thousands of blogs without even knowing it! they gave it an alias or something.....it's like a conspiracy man! o_O

January 14 2009

2009-01-14T13:05:00.000-08:00

A random blog about bleh.
today i made a blog about bleh with a lotta bleh and more bleh.
soooooooooooooooooooooo.......my friend is going crazy cuz twilight comes out soon although those who follow this blog dont care except for my cuz.....

DayDreaming

2009-01-12T09:54:00.000-08:00

Tobi's Dictionary

2009-01-01T23:26:00.000-08:00

I have founded a new word. This word is now added to Tobi's Dictionary.

Dunny : A animal mixed with both a deer and rabbit or bunny
legs of a deer and ears and face of a bunny

Thanks to chocolate this word was invented.